It has been interesting to observe how men react to women who uphold positions of power in social circles; whether it is a rock band, or in a political protest, men will find ways to sexualize women. Look at any metal band video with a woman at the front, screaming her ass off. Then read the comments; at least 70% of the comments will be about how attractive the female vocalist is and how “loud” she might be while engaging in sexual intercourse with the commentor. These are not isolated incidents that only happen because that particular man is a perverted asshole; it happens because Patriarchy encourages this asshole behavior, to lower women into walking fucktoys no matter how much power and courage they display against Patriarchy.
Now, before any male reader accuses me of being a man-hater or “having issues” with male sexuality; it is not the existence of male sexuality that is the problem. It is the fact that men feel so entitled to display their sexual thoughts everywhere, especially on a public website like Youtube, as if anyone would pat them on the back or even care about their sexual fetishes. Comments like this exist on Youtube, on the street, at workplaces. Anywhere that women exist, there will definitely be unnecessary, unsolicited, unwanted comments about the woman’s attractiveness and what the man would do to that woman. Another problem these comments indicate is that the male commentor, in his expanded sense of entitlement, implies that the female vocalists would show even little interest in him enough to want to have sex with him and that consent would and should not be a factor in how he wants to please his desires. This should be considered common sense to not say disgusting things to a stranger but when it is women; any advice about manners or respect is ignored and all Hell is let loose.
I am very certain that Angela Gossow, Otep Shamaya and many other vocalists hear comments like this all the time. I am also very certain that they could give less a shit about how attractive that particular man finds them. They might even be disturbed by all the virtual, and probably actual dick-wagging he is doing on their videos but would that cross his mind at all? Of course, none of the women will say anything about it because they learned long ago that bringing up and calling out sexism or male entitlement is a waste of time, especially in a public (male) environment. Better to just ignore, and let the annoyed and less creepy fans deal with the creepy fucks.
We are supposedly living in a time where this is superfically seen as not okay, not how it should be. Women, we are told, have made strides in the society. The truth is that the men who make these comments are REAL LIFE people who have families (or lack thereof), a job, a car, and a house. These men are someone’s son, grandson, nephew, cousin or brother. These men are in our society, they are in some woman’s home, they walk around without any fear circling their every thought. They do not worry about repercussions for their thoughts and actions and if they screw up they are forgiven almost immediately without even being expected to apologize. They do not even worry about sexual harassment or someone making a comment about how that person would like to give a blowjob to them. Women fear this type of harassment everyday. Hell, they even expect it to happen.
No woman in any time asks for superficial comments about their appearance especially when they are working very hard to be taken seriously in a male dominated field. Compliments are nice but that should be left at “hey, nice shirt” or “hey, cool book” without descending into details about how that man would like to fuck that woman. Hell, that woman might not want to talk to you and that is fine. She does not owe you her time or attention; she probably just wants to get to work without any hassle. The women I just mentioned earlier also want the same thing; they just want to go to work without any harassment from men. This may be beyond the imagination of the men who make these comments and think that they will get away with it but they should try to keep up. Especially since some of these women that are metal vocalists have probably dealt with sexual abuse and rape. The same with any female musician. The last thing they would want is some asshole on their video talking about how they would want to fuck them.
To simply say “it’s the internet” would be simply removing all responsibility from the commentor and removing the effect of the comment. There is nothing wrong with thinking that the woman you admire is beautiful but don’t expect that woman to take your comment without suspicion. Don’t respond as if you sincerely believe your comment, and even the thoughts behind it, and the potential behaviors expressed in it, exist in a vacuum. The woman you want is a human being. Don’t think that the woman you admire hasn’t been through a traumatic experience with abusive men. Don’t expect her to trust you right away. EARN her trust. Work hard to keep her trust.